You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
