My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
