had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
