so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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