...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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