Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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