She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
