My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
