Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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