is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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