His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize