We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
