dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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