just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
