"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
