We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
