Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
