Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to make out with him forever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
