he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
