just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
