dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
