Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
