I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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