Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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