She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize