I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
