When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
