I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
