dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
