I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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