Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
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Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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