I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I touched a dick in church today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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