what day is it and did you see me today?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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