I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No I am not eating basil off your cock
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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