So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
