A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
