Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
