omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
