Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
