They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
