Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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