hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
