I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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