No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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