And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
