i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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