I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
