he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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