and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
