I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
