And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize