Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
