So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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