Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
