i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
