i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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