rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
