someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
