I heard we made out
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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