Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
