sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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