he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
