Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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