This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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