He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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