Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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