my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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