I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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