i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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