another moral hangover. fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
